guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
