U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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