And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
