Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
