she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
