Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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