Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
