Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
