im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
