alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
