I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
