apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
