i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
