I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
