Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
