Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
