Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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