Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
