that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
