At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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