blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
