its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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