is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
