I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
