I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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