Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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