He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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