I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
