The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
