I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
