nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
