Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
