Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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