my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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