HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
