Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
