I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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