I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
