I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
