I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
