He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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