The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
