So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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