I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
