so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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