her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
