You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
