dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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