I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
