shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
